Tag Archives: Warhammer Online

Mutter mutter internet grumble.

How to start this one?

Well, I can’t access the internet as I write this, which is probably what spurred me to write a new entry in the first place. Boredom is a terrible thing, after all.

I’ll spare you the rant about the router or ISP that you’re no doubt expecting and skip on forwards to the RL section of this one. Despite remaining unemployed, with money bullshit looming over me like a gorilla looking at a banana sandwich I have somehow come to the decision that I’m going to keep one of the kittens Sho’s cat spawned not long before he disappeared to Thailand for two weeks.
The kitten in question does not have a name yet, and he’s a little bastard; he is extremely territorial at the food bowl and is the only one of five that will dare to swat and hiss at other kittens in demonstration of this.

Whether the fact that he’s so mean is what finally convinced me to keep him for myself is debatable.

Maybe I’m going daft, but there’s something I like about watching him try to chew my fingers and claw at me. Fuck it; I’ll find a job and figure it out.

Speaking of figuring it out, I need to figure out how to prevent myself from buying online games. I’m looking at you, Men of War.

Men of War is a very well designed game, the physics are wonderful to behold and there’s so much available to you that you’ll likely never stop figuring out new ways to screw with the enemy.
For example, the last time I was playing online (and got a thorough twatting at the hands of a bunch of Panther and King Tiger tanks) a rather nippy armoured car came speeding up to my KV-85 Tank.
The KV-85 is quite a nice tank but apparently it can’t move the turret fast enough to blast an armoured car orbiting it at close range, which becomes problematic when it shoots your fucking tracks out, then shoots a hole in your turret.

Quite annoyed by now, as this thing mockingly tries to plink the rear armour of my completely immobilized tank, I had a member of the tank crew climb out the top and total the little bastard with an anti-tank grenade.

This is just a tiny example of the scope for fuckery that this game creates. A single well controlled scout can take out a series of anti-tanks and disappear into the bushes in his ghillie suit. A sniper can climb a tree and pick off targets from further than he could from the ground. A well placed officer can spot enemy targets from afar with his binoculars and turn an entire battle.
All this and they couldn’t hire decent fucking voice actors.

The co-op/campaign missions have without a doubt the absolute worst voice acting I have ever encountered in a computer game. Let alone such a good game.
I would like to say “In all fairness the developers are a Russian company so it had to be dubbed over” but you know what, fuck that, I paid for this game, I want some fucking Kiefer Sutherland or Liam Neeson doing voice overs.

While I have to admit, not even Jack Bauer could rescue Call of Duty 5 from being a sack of shit, I would have loved to have him further expand on the Men of War experience, and push the voice acting up to the level the rest of the game is at.

Oh yes, and hard mode is FUCKING HARD.

You find yourself defending a road, or a port, or a sandwich maker, and you will kill a ridiculous quantity of Nazis in defence of whatever it might be you’ve put yourself in harm’s way for, only to finally fall under the sea of angry germans and die.

The end screen can read “You killed 400 germans, 31 tanks, 15 vehicles and lost 5 men, 1 george foreman grill and a gerbil” closely followed by “Sorry but you fucked up and died game over”.
Excuse me, but I feel I did my bit for the motherland and should be awarded with many medals for killing anything at all considering the absolutely ridiculous odds this game puts you up against.
Moving on.

Warhammer Online is growing stale, I have to say. Sacking the Inevitable City was a massive disappointment and I’m not sure I can accumulate enough give-a-fuck to bother going there again.
The third stages of PQs instagib full Dark Promise tanks, making actually receiving any loot fucking unlikely.

I genuinely lost count of the number of times I was one-shotted by Chaos monsters of various shape and size.

What doesn’t really help matters is that a large percentage of our server’s Destruction populace have absolutely no staying power at all.

Before Alarielle players started being herded over to Burlok Destruction were walking all over Order, now things have turned around all I see is “omfg I quit” posts, “omg nerf BW AoE” posts and “SERVER CRISIS” threads.

Bit disappointing I have to say, come on lads, stop hiding behind excuses, man up and figure your shit out.

Blimey, almost up to two pages of bollocks in Word and the net is still down. Best keep going.

With the above in mind, my Warhammer hours will be decreasing, I fear, and Eve is likely to make a comeback.
I really need to catch up with Battlestar Galactica, 24, Heroes and possibly Lost, if that’s started too.
Joss Whedon has also reappeared with Dollhouse, which I was sold on the moment I discovered Eliza Dushku would be the featuring heavily in it.
I should be starting work on another website sometime this week with some luck, so I’ll likely be spamming this with that soon enough.

Try not to miss me too much (Yeah, right).

Yep, Im convinced.
Yep, I'm convinced.

You Are Disabled.

It cannot be!
It cannot be!

No, I don't play Warhammer in a space suit you faggot.
No, I don't play Warhammer in a space suit you faggot.

“You Are Disabled” is Warhammer Online’s way of telling you that you’re FUBAR. The above is my approximate reaction when it happens for the 24th time in the space of 25 minutes. It’s sad, but I’m not a particularly patient person.

I have no idea who’s idea it was to give certain classes the ability to render you completely useless, but I feel it detracts from my enjoyment of the game somewhat to be repeatedly “disabled” and killed, while completely unable to do anything about it.

Now, generally I wouldn’t give a shit, it’s a game, and it’s a game in which the penalties you recieve for death are extremely lenient… Which is probably a good job considering how many times a day you get turned into a human fucking kebab by gangs of drugged up knife wielding whores. I’m looking at you, Witch Elves.

Now, generally I try not to follow the OMG NERF WITCH ELVES bandwagon, because I feel its going nowhere I want to be & is full of cretins with absolutely no concept of how to play their own class, and thus are in no way at all qualified to tell someone else theirs is easymode.

I try not to follow the bandwagon because, well, as a Witch Hunter I can generally take a Witch Elf down, provided there’s only one of them and depending on which of the abundance of these half naked crazies it happens to be…

But today I’m going to allow myself to be dragged into the wake of that particular nerfwagon with one particular skill in mind. Whoever, while designing the different classes thought it’d be perfectly okay to give a class that can cloak and does enough damage to kill most other classes in a matter of seconds a skill that knocks down everyone in their immediate area is clearly a massive faggot and should be fired immediately. Out of a fucking cannon.

Without this skill Witch Elves are not much of a pwnmobile – they’re still perfectly capable of tearing most classes to shreds, but at least those classes would have a chance to actually hit them back and perhaps swear at them a little before the deed is done; raise a defiant middle finger or attempt to leap off the nearest cliff as a final “fuck you”.

Because, after all, it’s the little things that make life worth living, right?

Speaking of life, the big RL, I should probably get my own Portfolio online, maybe make some shiny pictures for it and put this ridiculous domain name to use. I’ve almost completed the website I’m currently working on, which i’ll be sure to post a link to once it’s done, and will surely be on the online portfailio I eventually create.

Oddly I feel posting on this waste of space blog about such a thing may compel me to do it sooner, and better, and possibly harder. I’m not sure about harder. Either I’m lying to myself or this is a positive thing.

I’m probably lying to myself.

On a semi-productive note, I did finally get the thickbox loading animation to work. I would explain how I got it to work and why it wasn’t working for me in the first place, but once I actually opened the javascript to figure out what the problem was I immediately felt like a huge retard. It’s always the same with any kind of scripting or coding, the problem you just can’t find is bound to be something absolutely fucking ridiculous, like you named a file wrong, or you missed some seemingly pointless detail.

Somehow these annoying little things consistently succeed to ruin your day.

For the Eve people among you (Which likely consists of all of you, as I’m fairly sure no-one I know outside of either Eve-Online or Warhammer Online is going to put themselves through reading this shit I post, and the Warhammer people don’t know how to operate fucking bookmarks and I’m pretty sure lost the URL) here is a shot of my new Tempest. Everyone loves Tempests, they’re like the ginger kid of Tier 2 battleships.

It's so pretty, in a tetanus kind of way.
It's so pretty, in a tetanus kind of way.

….

I took this baby for a spin in Black Rise after having a few drinks, and after fighting two different Gallente Militia gangs solo, and running through Tama more times than is sensible without a scout, by some miracle it found its way back to the Hangar intact.

Well, mostly intact. I broke a module, scorched a few others and lost all of my drones but I feel it was a success. Even if I did only actually kill a Blackbird. Yes, I fought two gangs, ran Tama multiple times, and all I killed was one lousy fucking Blackbird. The first gang also had a Falcon, the second managed to shut me down with just ECM drones. It’s really a miracle the ship survived at all.

Maybe I’ll undock it again before 2010.

Here’s hoping.

That’s all the happiness I have to share for today.

Happy New Year, etc.