Tag Archives: Gaming

Electric Cats and complaints and complaints about electric cats.

I write this with hope in my heart that all none of you that care whether I post on here regularly will be willing to forgive my recent inability to provide you with my ever enlightening views on the universe at large.

I realise this negligence has become a trend of sorts and I don’t provide you with the loving attention that you almost definitely don’t deserve anyway, but could if I were dedicated enough, deliver.

With this in mind I’m going to almost certainly repeat the process, but I’m sure you expected that as an outcome and as such have prepared yourselves for my inevitable failure to express my incredibly important and widely respected opinion with any sort of frequency.

A large factor in my absence has been full time work. Anyone who knows me, or has been sneaking glances at this blog in the past will know that when I posted more frequently on here I was unemployed, and had been for some time. As such, adjusting to both working and posting on a blog isn’t something I’ve pulled off yet.

I could be extremely prolific if I wanted to, but I’m sure if I were not forgetting to post on this blog I would have to be routinely forgetting something else instead, such as providing my cat with food and litter. This would undoubtably piss him off quite a lot, and I’d not at all be surprised if he spent what little food remained within his furry, static charged body to shit in one or both of my shoes.

Seen as I’ve gone and mentioned it now, my cat was until recently so consistently charged with static electricity that providing him with any kind of attention was usually a fairly painful business, as every attempt at putting a hand on him resulted in a brief and after some time frustrating static shock. Fortunately the new carpet seems to have solved the problem and I am now welcomed home from work by a cuddly cat rather than a hairy tesla coil.

Snow
He's quite a bit bigger now, so I can use the static he generates to power my PC.

Moving on…

Now that I’m working and my debt to the world is decreasing gradually I find myself starting to want for things that aren’t entirely out of reach anymore.

A couple of examples would be a new keyboard & mouse, or a new mobile phone.

Steelseries Xai
Steelseries Xai

The mouse question has become fairly black and white for me, the only question is how cheap can I get a Steelseries Xai for? Not very cheap, most sources say. The bottom line here is that I don’t want another Razer mouse. I’m finished with Razer as a brand – their products are too expensive for items that seem to possess a build quality comparable to a chair constructed entirely of the little shavings that come off a rubber when you vigorously remove pencil from paper.

So with the mouse decided on and me simply waiting until I feel flush enough to spend, I move on to the next one; the keyboard.

This one has me baffled if I’m entirely honest. The last time I bought a keyboard it seemed easy, but this time around it seems as though to get a backlit keyboard you have to either buy something genuinely disappointing or spend over £100.

The biggest shock to me was the Razer Blackwidow. Yes I looked at it, no I won’t buy it, and not just because of the reasons mentioned above with regards to my Razer prejudice. The Blackwidow is an £80 keyboard.

If I were crazy enough to spend £80 on a keyboard (and by crazy enough I mean if I didn’t have bills to pay instead) then there are a few expectations I’d have going forward with such an exchange. One such expectation is that it be superior to my Saitek Eclipse II, which I purchased several years ago. My Eclipse II has three colours of backlighting complete with a nifty dimmer switch that is of absolutely no use to me but is nice anyway, and the only media keys it comes with are the ones I actually want; the audio media keys so I can control my playlist without tabbing out of whatever game I happen to be in.

I’ve developed a deep and sincere appreciation for these keys, as they almost become part of my macro when I’m playing Starcraft 2 – 3 s d 3 s v 1 click click 3 s d nonotthatsongskiptrack 3 s d etc etc. and I’ve also learned to appreciate the backlighting. Not because I need light to see where my keys are in the dark, as I’m not a dribbling computer mong. I know where my sodding keys are already, I just like the way my rig looks with blue LEDs in the tower, the mouse and the keyboard.

Now, I’ve just mentioned the Steelseries Xai which as far as I’m aware does not have blue LEDs, which immediately seems to contradict where I’m headed with this, but hear me out.

Razer Blackwidow Expert: I AM DISAPOINT

The Razer Blackwidow Expert edition has no backlighting, which in turn means no nifty dimmer swtich and also has none of the audio control keys I’ve become accustomed to. Now before someone calls out ‘The Ultimate version has backlighting dick head’ in an attempt to derail my far from finished criticism, the Ultimate edition of the keyboard does indeed have ‘5 levels of backlighting’. It also costs £55 more.

In addition to the backlighting the Ultimate has a couple of built in USB ports and audio jacks for your headphones & mic.

Yes that’s the only difference.

Srsly?

Now I understand that these are mechanical keyboards with 50g actuation force flux coils and graviton drives with bits of gold to make everything go inconceivably fast, so fast that I’m just making things up, and I realise that these things are by default expensive, but come the fuck on if an £80 keyboard doesn’t deserve backlighting and intuitive media keys instead of those fucking god awful macro keys that brands keep sticking on the side of keyboards ever since someone at Logitech got high on some kind of hallucigen and designed the G15.

I’m just not willing to pay an additional £55 on top of an already extremely high pricetag for a keyboard just so some cretin gets the go ahead to stick some LEDs in it along with a few handy sockets. Yes, I know the keys will make many a satisfying clunk when pressured under the force of zerg macro; even my zerg macro – which is terrible, but Razer are taking the piss a bit now.

On the up side, it has a braided cable. GG Razer you figured it out. Now put those in all your mice and give me five free ones and we’ll call it square.

All in all this further reinforces my new policy in regards to Razer. I feel as though I should start my own company just so that I can have a company policy page on my company website that states in no uncertain terms that Razer can fuck right off.

Continuing to rant about Razer won’t help me find a keyboard unfortunately, and I find the Logitech G15 and its ilk to be filthy horrible creations designed entirely to fuck with my sense of where the keys are supposed to be. I like the keys where they are, and there’s more than enough of them on a standard keyboard thankyouverymuch.

My Saitek Eclipse II has been lovely and I’d keep it but I want to change it for something fresh and new, partially because I’m tired of using a keyboard that contains more crumbs than a pack of maryland cookies.

Contains Crumbs

Contains More Crumbs

Unfortunately thus far I’ve been unsuccessful in finding a keyboard that meets my requirements, all I want is a keyboard that is backlit, has keys I can tell I’ve actually pressed and looks nice. Apparently that’s asking for a tremendous amount if I don’t want to go bankrupt in the process.

(Audio control keys would be nice too).

More soon, probably complaining about mobile phone contracts.

Or Starcraft 2 Protoss Colossi.

WoT stands for World of Tanks and wall of text.

So, with our Eve corporation not actually playing Eve (unless targets are presented on a platter, a gang is already formed and they are cordially invited to attend by persons leading said gang, via Ventrilo) I’ve been mostly playing the World of Tanks beta, which while occasionally infuriating to a degree I cannot explain unless you ask me within three seconds of my T-34-85’s ammo rack exploding, is actually a bit of a lark.

I imagine it’s a bit less exciting for people who play tank destroyers, and sit in bushes like Wiley-fucking-Coyote waiting for an unsuspecting Roadrunner to happen across their crosshairs, but for me and my medium tank it’s either death, glory, death and glory, or death followed by a string of unrepeatable obscenities. I like it best when it’s just glory.

It’s a game that doesn’t really fit under the MMO title but seems to have fallen in to the trap of masquerading as one, much like so many games these days that seem to want to ‘ride the wave’. MMOs have such a high turnover rate these days that there are few with consistent player bases, and most of the ones that do have player numbers that are dwarfed by the number they launched with. The examples I’d use are Warhammer Online and Aion, simply because I played them myself and later moved on. In fact, Eve is the only MMO that I maintain a consistent ‘relationship’ with, Eve seems to have become the online gaming equivalent of a wife, comparative to other MMOs which would surely qualify as nothing but mistresses or passing fancies, who are not cut out for the long run.

Nonetheless, World of Tanks masquerades, even though the actual game system is much more like an FPS – even the more “massively” orientated attributes are easily matched by FPS games these days, as the progression doesn’t go much deeper than play matches in tanks > gain experience & cash > unlock and buy new tanks. Not entirely different from unlocking new weapons in say, Battlefield Bad Company 2, surely?

Really the only thing that sets it apart from the usual FPS system is the restrictive reliance on credits, you have to pay for ammo and tank repairs after a battle, which can be more expensive than the coin you make from winning it if you’re storming around (crawling around more like) the battlefield in a Tiger or larger. There’s a lot of armour to superglue back on to a Tiger tank after it’s taken a good old fashioned twatting, so you get bills big enough to push you in to using lighter tanks as money makers so that you can afford to use your larger ones.

All of this said, it’s a good laugh, and once there’s a team system in place that’ll allow grouping with friends (we currently count down from three on Ventrilo and all hit “Battle” at the same time, then hope to god we got in to the same match) the experience will only improve. I’m not convinced of the longevity of the game, but perhaps the lack of a subscription will compensate for that. No sub means you can pick up and play when it suits you, and the optional micro-transactions don’t seem too game breaking.

Anyway, I would talk about anime as usual but I’ve not really watched any. Since I finished Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood I’ve watched maybe 2 episodes of Highschool of the Dead, and that’s about it.

What I have been watching after some demands on the part of a friend, is Life on Mars, which has been pretty awesome so far. I’m currently just over half way through the second season and I’ve no doubt that I’ll have finished it and be hitting up Ashes to Ashes some time this week.

Now that I’ve provided something resembling an update, even if mostly a muddled explanation of my opinion of World of Tanks, I’m going to get on with ordering myself a takeaway, as it is the weekend, I’m hungry and I can’t blog and operate Just-Eat at the same time without fucking one up entirely.

Final note before I sign off is this: If you have a bizarrely named domain such as, I don’t know, ClaymoreDog.com, and you’re asked by work colleagues what the name is about, don’t try to explain, it’s not possible to do it any kind of sensible way.

Toad in the hole

No, this post doesn’t have anything to do with food, at least not with Toad in the Hole, Toad in the hole is the name of our True Sansha Control Tower in the w-space system we have affectionately come to know as simply “Toad”. In case you’re reading this and have no idea what I just said, you may want to skip downwards as I’m going to ramble about Eve-Online a bit.

We moved into Toad on the merit that it was the first unoccupied Class 4 w-space system that I could find, and over the last couple of weeks it has treated us to some fun things, such as watching Yswr’s Hurricane attempt to align under fire from four Sleeper battleships with no RR in a system that reduces ship agility, while webbed. It exploded of course, and we smirked and continued, as w-space is lucrative enough that losing a Hurricane is of course absolutely nothing to be concerned about.

This, and the small fool around in Faction Warfare that preceded it, is part of our re-entry to Eve. Once coffers are full and we’re good and ready Omerta Syndicate will see a reactivation of sorts, a return to active service.

It’s been a while, and I for one am still rusty – you play a game for long enough consistently and you develop an extra instinct of sorts, you respond appropriately to your surroundings without hesitation and you know where everything in your UI is. Take a year out and you’ll find yourself a bit clumsier than you remember.

It didn’t stop me from flattening a Navy Slicer with my Claw recently, but it did mean afterwards I lost a 1v1 with a Hookbill, something I could have avoided if my approach had been measured better, leaving me just a couple of km closer after the mutual scrambling occurred. As it was I was too far in to fall off range and the dip in DPS meant I couldn’t quite kill him quick enough. It’s all just practice, really, and I do miss piloting interceptors so I’m sure I’ll get plenty once we’re back in populated space.

Speaking of PVP, Alliance Tournament 8 has been airing on EveTV over the weekend, much to the delight of, well, the entire corp, who have been on Ventrilo cheering along with the matches like it’s the Eve World Cup. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many Machariels blow up in groups of three, or so many Drakes fielded by idiots. The Drake is a hugely useful and versatile ship, it pains me to see these cretins just slap HML and Extenders on it, press f-keys and seemingly go AFK for a shit while the fight plays itself out. Lrn2HAM.

Final note on the subject of Eve is that Planetary Interaction has finally been released, command centres included, and some very elaborate planning and charting has followed on our part. PI is, to understate greatly, overwhelmingly fiddly. There are so many ways to do it badly that the mind simply boggles as to how many planets will be squandered under the control of moron armies of aspiring tyrants who will surely just keep pressing buttons until something starts moving, spinning or twirling, and then consider themselves satisfied with their shiny “Empire”. God knows Eve isn’t without its population of slightly more remedial users, and in a game with such a huge capacity for failure anything can happen.

If you wanted to skip the Eve speak then you’re safe to continue from here.

So I said earlier that this thread wasn’t about food, and I was telling the truth, mostly, but there’s one thing I feel is noteworthy, and that is Deks KFC chicken conspiracy theory. He assures me that KFC chickens are in fact not grown in the traditional manner of egg > chicken > bargain bucket, but are actually genetically modified test tube chickens that grow only a breast.

Deks, to you I say this, if only a breast is grown, then where the fuck do they keep getting the wings and legs from? I’m sure the answer will be that those are also part of the genetic growth plan, but somehow I’m struggling with the idea.

Anyway, the following is entirely to distract Deks from questing towards me with intent to clarify, and instead send him into a state of confusion. If you don’t understand, simply scroll on and normal blogging will resume.

Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line Maginot Line

While Deks hypnotizes himself in to a fit of rage reading that a few times we will continue.

My next subject is fucking huge holes in the ground. Specifically this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nni68iqI7WA

This is something that there is, I’m quite sure, a perfectly logical scientific explanation for. But still, it’s pretty ominous, right? A giant hole opens up and swallows a three story building. Just one building. Who lived there? He must have pissed off someone important, like, uh, Lucifer. I don’t know if the idea of disappearing 200ft down a hole that wasn’t there five minutes ago scares the shit out of anyone reading this, but I for one find it just the slightest bit intimidating. And what do they do now? Fill it? Cover it? Charge Americans as much money as possible to come see it as a tourist attraction?

Maybe I’ll look it up later, for now I’m going to crash.

Worst MMO event ever?

A thousand words.
A thousand words.

For St Patrick’s day NCSoft held an event.

The player populace of Aion have been for the most part crying out for events for quite some time, but this was by no means what they were expecting.

The event revolved around a leprechaun called Fergus McGreedy (apparantly there are leprechauns in the Aion universe suddenly?), and some bullshit about tax collectors and shedding wealth, and losing his glasses, and a bunch of other rubbish circumstances. Anyway, what actually occurred, was that he spammed some stuff in !Shout and then mobs would spawn and be killed for loot.

The problems began before anything even happened really, because on some servers this leprechaun was extremely late to arrive, making me ponder whether NCSoft had one or two people taking care of the entire fucking event? This wouldn’t surprise me, it also wouldn’t surprise me if these people were either not in contact with each other at all, or just immensely irresponsible, because the types of mobs that actually spawned differed from Asmo to Elyos, and even from server to server.

On Telemachus the Elyos had three Zapiel spawns – Zapiel is a world boss that drops, among other things possibly the best spear in the game. The Asmo however, had L10-50 non-elite trash mobs, with some named ones thrown in. Hardly any loot at all, a blue L40 chest piece dropped, not much else.

As if this wasn’t bad enough, some hours later, without any advanced notification at all the GMs had apparantly become aware of the disparity between their mob spawns, and decided to “rectify” the issue by returning to Pandaemonium and spawning some world bosses for the Asmos. Much like I imagine it went on just about every server, a single legion got all the loot, people protested, and the GMs then saw fit to randomly hand out Zapiel items.

I logged back in shortly after this, just in time to find people showing off their Zaps items while this GM continued to spawn a lower level world boss, and then Menotios, which of course, the same legion took the loot for.

So the see-saw of horribly irresponsible GMing has now tilted from Elyos favour to Asmo, with more world bosses being spawned, and endgame items being doled out like welfare.

This wasn’t an event, it was a loot farm for each server’s biggest legions, and some lucky passer-bys. You may wonder if I’d still be complaining if I’d gotten a Zaps spear myself, not as much that’s for sure, but it’d take a whole lot of burying your head in the sand to even pretend this wasn’t an utter joke of an event.

I’d expect better than this from F2P MMOs, nevermind one I actually paid for.

A post on my blog.

Well it’s my blog so I’ll post what I want right?

Here is the brunt of this post.

Infinity Ward are heroes of the highest order.
Treyarch can suck my balls.

Fuck Call of Duty 5. Fuck it in every hole, crevice and flabby fold.

Bring on Modern Warfare 2. *Celebration*

Now that’s out of the way, I’m still not happy with how this blog looks, it irritates me greatly, so expect another revamp soon. I may even try the lofty task of creating my own theme, though that may kill me… or someone in close proximity to me at the wrong time.

On an unrelated note: Whoever wrote Legend of the Galactic Heroes was a cruel and nasty motherfucker. I’m going to remain cryptic on this because it’s really a series you faggots need to watch for yourselves, however old it may be.

Only 20 episodes left for me. Choo choo…

Random picture of my cat just because I can.

Being lazy for a change.
Being lazy for a change.

Mutter mutter internet grumble.

How to start this one?

Well, I can’t access the internet as I write this, which is probably what spurred me to write a new entry in the first place. Boredom is a terrible thing, after all.

I’ll spare you the rant about the router or ISP that you’re no doubt expecting and skip on forwards to the RL section of this one. Despite remaining unemployed, with money bullshit looming over me like a gorilla looking at a banana sandwich I have somehow come to the decision that I’m going to keep one of the kittens Sho’s cat spawned not long before he disappeared to Thailand for two weeks.
The kitten in question does not have a name yet, and he’s a little bastard; he is extremely territorial at the food bowl and is the only one of five that will dare to swat and hiss at other kittens in demonstration of this.

Whether the fact that he’s so mean is what finally convinced me to keep him for myself is debatable.

Maybe I’m going daft, but there’s something I like about watching him try to chew my fingers and claw at me. Fuck it; I’ll find a job and figure it out.

Speaking of figuring it out, I need to figure out how to prevent myself from buying online games. I’m looking at you, Men of War.

Men of War is a very well designed game, the physics are wonderful to behold and there’s so much available to you that you’ll likely never stop figuring out new ways to screw with the enemy.
For example, the last time I was playing online (and got a thorough twatting at the hands of a bunch of Panther and King Tiger tanks) a rather nippy armoured car came speeding up to my KV-85 Tank.
The KV-85 is quite a nice tank but apparently it can’t move the turret fast enough to blast an armoured car orbiting it at close range, which becomes problematic when it shoots your fucking tracks out, then shoots a hole in your turret.

Quite annoyed by now, as this thing mockingly tries to plink the rear armour of my completely immobilized tank, I had a member of the tank crew climb out the top and total the little bastard with an anti-tank grenade.

This is just a tiny example of the scope for fuckery that this game creates. A single well controlled scout can take out a series of anti-tanks and disappear into the bushes in his ghillie suit. A sniper can climb a tree and pick off targets from further than he could from the ground. A well placed officer can spot enemy targets from afar with his binoculars and turn an entire battle.
All this and they couldn’t hire decent fucking voice actors.

The co-op/campaign missions have without a doubt the absolute worst voice acting I have ever encountered in a computer game. Let alone such a good game.
I would like to say “In all fairness the developers are a Russian company so it had to be dubbed over” but you know what, fuck that, I paid for this game, I want some fucking Kiefer Sutherland or Liam Neeson doing voice overs.

While I have to admit, not even Jack Bauer could rescue Call of Duty 5 from being a sack of shit, I would have loved to have him further expand on the Men of War experience, and push the voice acting up to the level the rest of the game is at.

Oh yes, and hard mode is FUCKING HARD.

You find yourself defending a road, or a port, or a sandwich maker, and you will kill a ridiculous quantity of Nazis in defence of whatever it might be you’ve put yourself in harm’s way for, only to finally fall under the sea of angry germans and die.

The end screen can read “You killed 400 germans, 31 tanks, 15 vehicles and lost 5 men, 1 george foreman grill and a gerbil” closely followed by “Sorry but you fucked up and died game over”.
Excuse me, but I feel I did my bit for the motherland and should be awarded with many medals for killing anything at all considering the absolutely ridiculous odds this game puts you up against.
Moving on.

Warhammer Online is growing stale, I have to say. Sacking the Inevitable City was a massive disappointment and I’m not sure I can accumulate enough give-a-fuck to bother going there again.
The third stages of PQs instagib full Dark Promise tanks, making actually receiving any loot fucking unlikely.

I genuinely lost count of the number of times I was one-shotted by Chaos monsters of various shape and size.

What doesn’t really help matters is that a large percentage of our server’s Destruction populace have absolutely no staying power at all.

Before Alarielle players started being herded over to Burlok Destruction were walking all over Order, now things have turned around all I see is “omfg I quit” posts, “omg nerf BW AoE” posts and “SERVER CRISIS” threads.

Bit disappointing I have to say, come on lads, stop hiding behind excuses, man up and figure your shit out.

Blimey, almost up to two pages of bollocks in Word and the net is still down. Best keep going.

With the above in mind, my Warhammer hours will be decreasing, I fear, and Eve is likely to make a comeback.
I really need to catch up with Battlestar Galactica, 24, Heroes and possibly Lost, if that’s started too.
Joss Whedon has also reappeared with Dollhouse, which I was sold on the moment I discovered Eliza Dushku would be the featuring heavily in it.
I should be starting work on another website sometime this week with some luck, so I’ll likely be spamming this with that soon enough.

Try not to miss me too much (Yeah, right).

Yep, Im convinced.
Yep, I'm convinced.

On Tyranids, Labiears and Elfgina.

It’s probably best not to ask questions about the title of this particular post, particularly ones pertaining to the meanings of the words “Labiear” and “Elfgina”. I’m sure those of you with a more “active” imagination have already figured it out and are rolling your eyes, but these words did seem exceptionally funny coming through Deks microphone during a game of Warhammer 40k: Dawn of War II beta.

Val Kilmer appears as the Force Commander
Val Kilmer appears as the Force Commander

I’ve got to say, I want to buy this game. It’s a good game, it’s mostly well balanced (mostly) and is about the most fun I’ve had with an online RTS for a while, the only rival in my eyes being Company of Heroes, which is also by Relic, and has the unfortunate issue of never fucking connecting to any other users.

It seems to me that DoW2 will have some of the same online lobby issues that plagued CoH, namely the words “NAT negotiation failed”, but it seems thus far to a lesser extent. Which is a step in the right direction, or possibly just a step in the direction of making it somewhat plausible to actually get a game started within the first fucking excruciating hour of trying.

I don’t understand what the issue is, Relic. There’s a million and one online games in the word, all sucking money out of adults and children alike in exchange for the joy of obliterating another person over the internet, so why is it that a company so established that makes such fantastic games cannot seem to master connecting people to each other to allow such obliteration to occur?

There’s obviously some bizarre fact I’m missing, maybe all RTS games have this issue and I’ve just not been playing any of the others enough online to experience it, or maybe there’s some sort of conspiracy I just don’t know about in which Relic are being victimized by the very internet itself. All I know for sure is that it’s fucking annoying.

While I’m on the subject of gaming, what the fuck was Call of Duty 5 about? Why is it every time Infinity Ward go afk to take a piss Treyarch leap into their shadow and make a terrible game that pales in comparison its predecessor? Seriously, the entire reason I bought CoD5 was the Co-op. I like co-op because I have a number of internet (and REAL LIFE™) friends that I like to play internet (but not REAL LIFE™) games with (I’m too lazy for REAL LIFE™ games) and the first time we tried to play the fucking thing it absolutely refused to let us.

My immediate thought at that point in time was “Okay, fuck you then” and I’ve not launched the game since making it a serious waste of money. Not to mention the fact that after installing and launching the game once, it crashed and ever since my drive refuses to read the fucking disc. It reads another CoD5 disc fine, it reads every other disc fine, my disc reads fine in another machine, but my disc, in my machine, post-installation? Not a chance.

I’ve not seen something so fundamental fuck up so badly since I tried to launch Farcry2 and was presented with a plethora of bizarre errors and warnings that I completely ignored only to have the game launch and play absolutely fine until it inevitably crashed like the unstable pile of shit it is. Farcry 2 was very pretty & quite fun, but less stable than your grandmother balancing on the end of Mike Tyson’s dick.

Moving swiftly on and away from gaming before I start talking about Warhammer Online again, and inevitably spiral downwards into describing how much of a bunch of self righteous pricks a certain EU guild happen to be.

Onto the serious business, because as I’m sure you’re aware, I’m all about the serious business.

I just completed working on www.davidillustration.com and I’m going to selfishly plug it here, because it’s my fucking blog and I can. It was, of course, built to client spec and while there’s a couple of things I’d have done differently were it for myself I am for the most part pleased with the final product. Check it out, the artist I built it for has a lot of talent and I’m sure will be carving himself out a market share given the time and effort that all things require.

It dawned on me this morning that I’m now old enough to look to what I was doing almost 10 years ago as fond memories of dicking off causing trouble for other people, being an obnoxious teenager and playing computer games.

Actually, the only thing that’s really changed is that I’m not a teenager anymore and I get out less…

Well, really a lot has changed, as things inevitably do, and I found myself missing the old haunts and after school LAN gaming sprees. Inevitably with a LAN there were people I liked and people I wanted to smash into their keyboard so hard that the next time they took a shit they’d be able to spell their name in the toilet, but the memories are mostly good ones. I have to wonder how much overnight LANs fueled by excessive energy drinks (inevitably the very cheap alternatives such as “Boost”) screwed me up.

I also have to wonder whether the people who ran the place ever did figure out that my gaming rage and their broken mice were not seperate problems.

Okay, I’m done reminiscing, presumably this odd occurance was caused by it being my 24th birthday this month and me starting to realise that I need to stop fucking around sooner or later, preferably sooner.

Probably later.

For the sake of dipping into the subject of anime before I close this post that has run rampant and will no doubt break 1000 words before I’m done blathering on about getting ever closer to a midlife crisis, I suggest watching Ga-Rei Zero. I recently did and it was a surprise package. It begins with some very typical cliche action and it does carry a little of that with it throughout, but it will catch you by surprise and it’s an entirely enjoyable series.

This series made me want Pocky.
This series made me want Pocky.

Schoolgirl + Pocky + Katana? Yep, works for me.

That’s all for now. If you’ve kept with me all the way through this one I salute you.

This shit is bananas.

B A N A N A S!

Ever since the announcement regarding Keanu Reeves involvement with the Cowboy Bebop live action adaptation I’ve heard a lot of nay saying and people claiming that Reeves can’t act.

Now, the rather touchy subject of whether Keanu Reeves can act aside – because if I’m honest, I’m undecided on the subject, I like him, but who the fuck am I to judge acting talent? Infact, who the fuck are you to judge acting talent? That aside, I have simply chosen to convince myself that it could be worse.

It could be much, much worse.

Exhibit A
Exhibit A

Yes, yes indeed, I did put Spike’s hair on Vin Diesel, a man with less hair than the moon. Spike Diesel, as I like to call him, would certainly be nothing short of an abomination. I was tempted to make another of these, with Jason Statham, but honestly I have enough shit to waste my free time on already without making a multitude of ridiculous pictures just for you idiots.

To summarize, Keanu Reeves is great, so shut up.

Seen as claymoredog.com will likely become my online portfolio, unless I spontaneously decide to turn the dog into a brand (funny but unlikely), I started working on a frontpage for it.

This could be something like what the future of claymoredog could possibly maybe after a great deal of changes look not entirely unlike.

Still early days, but eh.
Still early days, but eh.

Truthfully I’ve always liked very light greys & subtle gradients mixed with bursts of orange, so I’ll probably stick with this unless something unexpected and shocking kicks its way into my ever dazed brain and convinces me otherwise.

Back on the entertainment front, Dawn of War 2 beta has been quite a bit of fun for me, even if I can often be heard blowing steam out of my ears while profanity pours out of my mouth at *insert unit* or *insert “tactic”* and FEAR 2 looks absolutely fucking terrifying.
I gave up on FEAR because I don’t really need to be that anxious, ever. It was a game that succeeded so well at scaring the shit out of me that I stopped playing it.

FEAR 2 looks like FEAR on fucking acid.

After watching someone else play the demo for a brief spell I had already concluded that the game would be a waste of money I can’t afford to expend – as ultimately I’ll never play it through anyway.

The end.

Brief, I know, but quite frankly I’m exhausted so go away.