How to start this one?
Well, I can’t access the internet as I write this, which is probably what spurred me to write a new entry in the first place. Boredom is a terrible thing, after all.
I’ll spare you the rant about the router or ISP that you’re no doubt expecting and skip on forwards to the RL section of this one. Despite remaining unemployed, with money bullshit looming over me like a gorilla looking at a banana sandwich I have somehow come to the decision that I’m going to keep one of the kittens Sho’s cat spawned not long before he disappeared to Thailand for two weeks.
The kitten in question does not have a name yet, and he’s a little bastard; he is extremely territorial at the food bowl and is the only one of five that will dare to swat and hiss at other kittens in demonstration of this.
Whether the fact that he’s so mean is what finally convinced me to keep him for myself is debatable.
Maybe I’m going daft, but there’s something I like about watching him try to chew my fingers and claw at me. Fuck it; I’ll find a job and figure it out.
Speaking of figuring it out, I need to figure out how to prevent myself from buying online games. I’m looking at you, Men of War.
Men of War is a very well designed game, the physics are wonderful to behold and there’s so much available to you that you’ll likely never stop figuring out new ways to screw with the enemy.
For example, the last time I was playing online (and got a thorough twatting at the hands of a bunch of Panther and King Tiger tanks) a rather nippy armoured car came speeding up to my KV-85 Tank.
The KV-85 is quite a nice tank but apparently it can’t move the turret fast enough to blast an armoured car orbiting it at close range, which becomes problematic when it shoots your fucking tracks out, then shoots a hole in your turret.
Quite annoyed by now, as this thing mockingly tries to plink the rear armour of my completely immobilized tank, I had a member of the tank crew climb out the top and total the little bastard with an anti-tank grenade.
This is just a tiny example of the scope for fuckery that this game creates. A single well controlled scout can take out a series of anti-tanks and disappear into the bushes in his ghillie suit. A sniper can climb a tree and pick off targets from further than he could from the ground. A well placed officer can spot enemy targets from afar with his binoculars and turn an entire battle.
All this and they couldn’t hire decent fucking voice actors.
The co-op/campaign missions have without a doubt the absolute worst voice acting I have ever encountered in a computer game. Let alone such a good game.
I would like to say “In all fairness the developers are a Russian company so it had to be dubbed over” but you know what, fuck that, I paid for this game, I want some fucking Kiefer Sutherland or Liam Neeson doing voice overs.
While I have to admit, not even Jack Bauer could rescue Call of Duty 5 from being a sack of shit, I would have loved to have him further expand on the Men of War experience, and push the voice acting up to the level the rest of the game is at.
Oh yes, and hard mode is FUCKING HARD.
You find yourself defending a road, or a port, or a sandwich maker, and you will kill a ridiculous quantity of Nazis in defence of whatever it might be you’ve put yourself in harm’s way for, only to finally fall under the sea of angry germans and die.
The end screen can read “You killed 400 germans, 31 tanks, 15 vehicles and lost 5 men, 1 george foreman grill and a gerbil” closely followed by “Sorry but you fucked up and died game over”.
Excuse me, but I feel I did my bit for the motherland and should be awarded with many medals for killing anything at all considering the absolutely ridiculous odds this game puts you up against.
Warhammer Online is growing stale, I have to say. Sacking the Inevitable City was a massive disappointment and I’m not sure I can accumulate enough give-a-fuck to bother going there again.
The third stages of PQs instagib full Dark Promise tanks, making actually receiving any loot fucking unlikely.
I genuinely lost count of the number of times I was one-shotted by Chaos monsters of various shape and size.
What doesn’t really help matters is that a large percentage of our server’s Destruction populace have absolutely no staying power at all.
Before Alarielle players started being herded over to Burlok Destruction were walking all over Order, now things have turned around all I see is “omfg I quit” posts, “omg nerf BW AoE” posts and “SERVER CRISIS” threads.
Bit disappointing I have to say, come on lads, stop hiding behind excuses, man up and figure your shit out.
Blimey, almost up to two pages of bollocks in Word and the net is still down. Best keep going.
With the above in mind, my Warhammer hours will be decreasing, I fear, and Eve is likely to make a comeback.
I really need to catch up with Battlestar Galactica, 24, Heroes and possibly Lost, if that’s started too.
Joss Whedon has also reappeared with Dollhouse, which I was sold on the moment I discovered Eliza Dushku would be the featuring heavily in it.
I should be starting work on another website sometime this week with some luck, so I’ll likely be spamming this with that soon enough.
Try not to miss me too much (Yeah, right).